I woke up today after having a nightmare about babies. Specifically, my nightmare was about the fact that my middle brother (I’m the oldest) has just found out that he will be having his fourth child. In the dream I dreamt that this will cause him to be a horrible father and make his life fall apart!
I woke up with tears in my eyes and felt seriously distressed for him.
I wonder if my dream really has to do with him having babies or if is about the fact that I DO NOT have babies.
I’m the oldest child in the family and my 30th birthday will come in a couple months. I am accustomed to doing everything first and doing it the right way. My two younger brothers have both beat me to the baby making goal, but we have frequent disagreements about the way they raise their kids. haha. I don’t know if there is a right way to have babies but I always landed on the traditional side of things in my mind: I should be married, I should have my student loan debt paid off, and I should have a stable lifestyle. Maybe it is my biological clock ticking, but I am starting to rethink all of these things.
Who needs a partner when your way of life can provide so many advantages for a child?
Who needs to have zero debt when people who have so little can make a great life for their child?
Who needs stability when you can have an adventure?
Anyway, in August my job made me sign a paper saying that I wouldn’t be getting pregnant… and considering that I hardly ever go out and haven’t met any special guys this school year, there would have to be a miracle for me to get pregnant any time soon. I regularly think of adopting, but that is getting to be more and more difficult for single people.
Most of the time I don’t think I even want kids so I can have the time to dance the night away and explore the world as much as possible. Most of the time I just tell people that I have 18 children everyday at work so it is nice to come how to a little peace and quiet. It is just on days like this when I think how fun it would be to teach a little child of my own to love to salsa and that it would be even more fascinating if we could explore the world together. It is on days like this when my peaceful little apartment seems too quiet and that a little child of my own would have really enjoyed those banana pancakes I just made from scratch.
I don’t read magazines or watch much TV these days so I am just going to blame this post on the dream I had last night. Is this normal behavior for a woman about to turn 30? Is this what they mean when people talk about a biological clock?
Teaching Wanderlust 
You’re still a baby yourself 😉 I didn’t have my first child until I was 37 and the second at 39. I do understand the ticking clock, I really do. But you’ve got a few years yet to be footloose and fancy free. …
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Thanks Clara!
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Patience. You are still young, there is time to have your child either with or without a partner, the “right” way or not. I had mine when I was young and that was hard, as we never had any money. My daughter had hers at age 38 and that is fine. When it is time, you’ll know. Meanwhile, dance and travel and enjoy it all!
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Thanks for the encouraging words!
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I will echo Lynnjake’s words: you still have plenty of time! Yet, I understand this a deeply personal question. After my husband passed away, I had to accept the fact that I will only have one child. I had always wanted a big family as I was an only child. Enjoy your life now, and spoil those nieces and nephews!
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Thanks for your kind words!
I love to spoil my nieces and nephews but it is tough living so far from them and only seeing them in the summer. My fault!
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I am 39, have been married for two years, and people have started talking to me a lot about donor eggs. My thirties have gone by a lot faster than I expected. You didn’t ask my advice, but I’ll give it to you anyway. If you want a baby, look for partner who will be a good husband and a good father. It may take you a while to find him, and when you do, you don’t have to have a baby immediately, but it will be nice to have the option. I’m not trying to put down all the wonderful single parents out there, but I do think it is easier for two people in a happy relationship to raise a child than for one person to raise a child on his or her own. Work on finding that happy relationship.
Your writing is very real and honest. Unguarded. If you choose to revise my only suggestion is about the first paragraph–I was a little confused as to what happened in your dream and what is happening in real life. I really liked the detail about the pancakes.
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Thank you for your comments. I always tell people that I’m on a worldwide search for Mr. Right! If you know of any single, male, international teachers (or people with professions that can work abroad) send them my way! hahaha
I will take a look another look at that first paragraph. It was confusing to me because it was so closely tied with real life!
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I/we respect your adventure. But it’s also normal to be thinking through these things. I appreciate when you question preconceived notions- you have to settle down, have no debt, be in a traditional family… I think there are many successful ways to raise a child. I know people who have traveled and lived many places with their babies and young children. It is harder, that’s for sure, but it’s possible.
I agree with the other commenters that you will decide and it will be good, whatever you decide. Your writing is honest and reflective.
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Thanks. I appreciate your kind words! My favorite part of writing is being able to reflect on my ideas and make them make sense.
I know many international teachers who are married and have children while teaching overseas. I have also met a single mother who is an international teacher. The kids I have met who grew up going to international schools are fascinating. Third culture kids have some baggage, but so does everyone else. I would love to bring a child into that world.
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My wife and I had our first child just after the halfway mark in our 30s 🙂
Being “old-fashioned” I agree with the being married part, but as for financial security and such, that stuff can work itself out 😉
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I almost got married five years ago and I learned to rely on myself instead of someone else who couldn’t be trusted. I’m open to finding Mr. Right, but I don’t want to wait around forever. 35 sounds like a perfect age to have a child, but it doesn’t seem very far away either. I will just have to continue on my quest to teach my way around the world and see where that takes me!
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Oh yes, never settle! Marriage is a partnership, there has to be trust! Hopefully you’ll find the right teammate in your adventure! 😀
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Girl, I just wrote a post a couple days ago entitled…ready? “Aching Ovaries.” Really put myself out there with that one. I was kind of kidding with the title, but then when writing, the content got pretty serious pretty quick. I’m 35 and I already have one child, but I want another. It is very natural to begin thinking about having children and building a family when approaching 30. Cut yourself some slack. Kick back and enjoy your job and single life while you have it. Trust when the time is right, the opportunity will present itself. 🙂 My best to you!
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I will have to go check out your post! Thanks for the kind words.
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I met my husband in Tokyo when I was 31, when I was living there working. I had my children at 36, 40 and 43. Live your dream, which you are. And make up your own mind. I wish you all my best.
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Another woman who thought globally when it came to finding Mr. Right. I like it!
I have nothing to make up my mind about at the moment. No man in my life. No babies needing adopting. Just me working toward my goal of being debt free and teaching my way around the world.
Thank you for your thoughts Pamela!
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I don’t care what anyone says! MAKE BABIES AMANDA!! MAKE LOTS OF BABIES!!! hahahhahaaa. 😛 Don’t you want to lose lots of sleep and energy? It’s SO MUCH FUN!! You know, I love my son more than anything on this earth. That’s what being a mom does to many. That being said, I find myself signing off to one stage of my life and onto another – not a bad thing, just different. Some don’t want anything different. I have a teacher friend who said, “You know, I am just too selfish. I like to travel.” And so she does. All over the world, with her husband. If it’s going to happen, it will be on your heart a great deal and be at a time when you won’t even QUESTION as to whether or not you are ready for that ‘difference’ in life style. besos
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Christi I love you! hahaha I was just thinking of one or maybe two babies. And the word baby is too strong. hahaha. I really like 2-3 year olds and would totally adopt a toddler to skip all those sleepless nights you are currently dealing with. Until I pop one out (no chance of that happening any time soon) or I miraculously adopt, I will pay off my student loans and teach my way around the world!
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I think you are just fine. 🙂 I only have one child (so far). I didn’t even meet my husband till I turned 30 and he was 33, and I gave birth to our daughter right after I turned 34. (I’m about to be 36!!!! Yikes! haha) There is no timeline (although we may think it in our heads), and there’s no right or wrong. You do whatever is best for you! 🙂
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I always thought I would be married by 27 and have a child by 30, but I’m still looking for Mr. Right. I will continue my worldwide “search” and do my own thing.
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