I woke up today after having a nightmare about babies. Specifically, my nightmare was about the fact that my middle brother (I’m the oldest) has just found out that he will be having his fourth child. In the dream I dreamt that this will cause him to be a horrible father and make his life fall apart!
I woke up with tears in my eyes and felt seriously distressed for him.
I wonder if my dream really has to do with him having babies or if is about the fact that I DO NOT have babies.
I’m the oldest child in the family and my 30th birthday will come in a couple months. I am accustomed to doing everything first and doing it the right way. My two younger brothers have both beat me to the baby making goal, but we have frequent disagreements about the way they raise their kids. haha. I don’t know if there is a right way to have babies but I always landed on the traditional side of things in my mind: I should be married, I should have my student loan debt paid off, and I should have a stable lifestyle. Maybe it is my biological clock ticking, but I am starting to rethink all of these things.
Who needs a partner when your way of life can provide so many advantages for a child?
Who needs to have zero debt when people who have so little can make a great life for their child?
Who needs stability when you can have an adventure?
Anyway, in August my job made me sign a paper saying that I wouldn’t be getting pregnant… and considering that I hardly ever go out and haven’t met any special guys this school year, there would have to be a miracle for me to get pregnant any time soon. I regularly think of adopting, but that is getting to be more and more difficult for single people.
Most of the time I don’t think I even want kids so I can have the time to dance the night away and explore the world as much as possible. Most of the time I just tell people that I have 18 children everyday at work so it is nice to come how to a little peace and quiet. It is just on days like this when I think how fun it would be to teach a little child of my own to love to salsa and that it would be even more fascinating if we could explore the world together. It is on days like this when my peaceful little apartment seems too quiet and that a little child of my own would have really enjoyed those banana pancakes I just made from scratch.
I don’t read magazines or watch much TV these days so I am just going to blame this post on the dream I had last night. Is this normal behavior for a woman about to turn 30? Is this what they mean when people talk about a biological clock?