It is scary having a gun pointed at you! Photo cred
A month ago I wrote about the traumatizing experience of having a gun pointed at me while someone tried to steal my car.
I don’t know how long it takes other people to deal with experiences like mine. My aunt described the way I feel as PTSD, but I don’t know about that. I just know that I feel different from how I felt before it happened.
Here are some of the ways this experience has colored my life:
I Drive Less
No matter whom I’m with or when I’m driving, whenever I hear or see a motorcycle my gut tightens and my heart starts racing. Unless I am with other people, I only drive in a small radius around my neighborhood. I don’t feel comfortable exploring this city now. I continue going to the same places because I know that they are safer.
Less Walking
I don’t walk as much as I used to. I don’t like walking on the street, seeing motorcycles, and feeling exposed. I used to walk to the market every weekend. It was about a 15-minute walk there and back and it was something I looked forward to (even if it did cut off the circulation to my arms a couple of times!). Now I drive to the market in the very early morning before many people are there.
No Salsa
One of my great loves in life is Cuban Salsa/Salsa Casino. The only place that I can get to to practice salsa is in a pretty sketchy part of town. I’ve driven to a restaurant that is only a couple of blocks away and I wanted to turn around because I didn’t feel safe there- and I had a friend with me at the time. I was fine going salsa dancing by myself all over the world, but I can’t make myself drive to this salsa studio by myself. Sadly nobody I know wants to go salsa dancing (or to Bachata class for that matter), nor are they excited about going to a salsa club because there are no guys we know who can dance. Sigh.
Stay In
Basically I stay inside my apartment a lot. Good thing I’m great at entertaining myself! I write blog posts, research future trips, do a little online shopping, do workout videos, read a ton, watch movies and TV shows on my computer, and talk to friends and family online. I did all of these things before, now I just do them more.
I wouldn’t say that I’m unhappy. In fact, I feel pretty content most of the time. I do feel a little constrained. These feelings are not enough to scare me away from Valencia at this point, but I can see how I wont be able to here if life continues like this forever….
How long does it take before you get over scary experiences?
It’s bound to take some time to get over something like that. Are there any groups you could get in touch with? People who’ve had similar experiences?
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Thanks for your thoughts Linda. Valencia isn’t that organized Linda! Or perhaps it is and it is just not advertised. My local friends who have had similar situations just shrug it off and say that “it happens”. I really feel fine most of the time when I’m not driving.
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I don’t think you can give yourself a time limit. I think reaching out and talking and finding a buddy in your city can help, but I feel like these kinds of things are very personal. Don’t compare yourself to others! It sounds like you have the right idea, even if it is scaling back on being out and about.
When I was in Ecuador, I was almost never out at night. If I was, I was speed walking home, taking a cab or out with a friend. But my situation was different. I don’t look like a foreigner – I look like a Chinita.
In any case, I wish I had something helpful to say. I think you just have to do what you feel like you want to do, and allow yourself to feel whatever you want. I think muggings are very violating, so it’s natural to want to be careful and cautious.
Sending you lots of love and hugs.
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Lani,
Thank you for your supportive message. My friends are great at accompanying me places when I ask, but I am used to being such an independent lady that it is hard to ask for help!
I’m just going to continue going out when and where I feel comfortable. Hopefully the memories will fade with time.
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